we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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