I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Houston, we have a squirter
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
