Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
