walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
