don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
