The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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