Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
