So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceaƱera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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