Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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