Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
