His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
