Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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