The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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