She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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