seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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