You're earring is so big in my mouth
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
