I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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