...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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