oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
