the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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