who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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