I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
