Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize