you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
soo... how was my night?
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