Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
high people should be assigned attendants
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
