We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
did i just pee glitter
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
