Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
