Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
there's paper in my vomit.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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