Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
