Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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