i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
