Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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