ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
