The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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