I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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