Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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