real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
