So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
