I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
