Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
