By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
