Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
