i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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