I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Randomize
