Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize