I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
