Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i was born a porn star she said
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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