I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
