Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
