girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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