2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
