He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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