So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
