I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
