"it" just moved
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
