Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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