I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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