If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
