oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
