so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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