saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
