Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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