the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize