i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
