Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
