Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
