We're facebook friends in real life
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
