im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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