dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
