i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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