well you can't waste a boner
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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