It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
