fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize